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schadenfreude

Erich Kass has a safe gray life in Berlin until he is arrested by the Gestapo for kissing another boy. The Hell he finds in Auschwitz as the property of Dr. Ahren Kaltherzig will destroy everything he thinks he knows about life and safety.Word Count: approx. 71,000Warnings: rape, drugs use, medical torture, graphic violence, underage main character involved in sexual acts,Erich Kass has a safe gray life in Berlin until he is arrested by the Gestapo for kissing another boy. The Hell he finds in Auschwitz as the property of Dr. Ahren Kaltherzig will destroy everything he thinks he knows about life and safety.Word Count: approx. 71,000Warnings: rape, drugs use, medical torture, graphic violence, underage main character involved in sexual acts, Auschwitz setting...

Title : schadenfreude
Author :
Rating :
ISBN : 18882331
Format Type : Kindle Edition
Number of Pages : 325 Pages
Status : Available For Download
Last checked : 21 Minutes ago!

schadenfreude Reviews

  • Lena♥Ribka
    2018-10-20 05:59

    This review has been crossed posted to JessewaveBrilliantly written. Provoking. Shocking. Horrifying. Disturbing. Sad. Captivating. Heartbreaking. Honest. Painfully beautiful.Nothing compare with.Well...I think, I've never found myself in a situation when I felt obliged to explain my rating. But I owe it to my GR friends.I don't remember WHY and WHEN I bought it. It seems to be for an eternity on my kindle. Unread. And every time I came across its cover I was angry with myself for buying it, for my presumption to wanting to read something like this, for being tempted by some great reviews. And then one day I decided that I didn't want to have it any longer on my kindle. I decided to get rid of this book. I decided to prove to myself what for a wasteful purchase it was. I didn't want to come across this cover any more. I wanted AT LAST to delete it from my kindle. It is WHY I started to read it. And I was transformed into another world, into another time, I LOST my connection to the reality, I was LOST in Erich's mind. I was locked within/terrified by/suffered with Erich. I. LOST. MYSELF. I've read through the night. I had an interview on the next day. I got up 4 hours before to be able to finish this book. I. COULDN'T. PUT. IT. DOWN. I didn't care about this interview. I really didn't. I wanted to read further. Some history facts before I explain my further thoughts: In 1935, the Nazis broadened the law(Paragraph 175) so that the courts could pursue any "lewd act" whatsoever, even one involving no physical contact. Convictions multiplied by a factor of ten to about 8,000 per year. Furthermore, the Gestapo could transport suspected offenders to concentration camps without any legal justification at all (even if they had been acquitted or already served their sentence in jail). Thus, between 5,000 and 15,000 homosexual men were forced into concentration camps, where they were identified by the pink triangle. The majority of them died there. Schadenfreude tells us the story of Erich Kass, a sixteen year old boy, who was arrested by Gestapo and sent to Auschwitz concentration camp for "one dry brush, of lips against lips." Not even a real kiss. This book is not a war crime non-fiction book, though the graphical descriptions of medical torture, violence, pain are inexpressible. This book is psychological thriller, an unique mind-blowing masterpiece. You don't read about Erich's feelings, you suffer from his feelings of horror, fright, despair, panic and...need and surrender. The relationship between Erich and Ahren Kaltherzig, a medical doctor whose mission is to find an effective treatment for curing THIS particular disease, is difficult to explain, hard to understand, heavy to read, but I believe that this kind of connection, in spite of a fictional nature of this story, could have been existed, they felt so real, credible and weirdly impressing. Stockholm Syndrome vs. Sadism and Masochism, abuse, physical vs. psychological, obsession vs. possession. But it is much more than just this. It is a fiction book, but it has never felt like being thought out or fictional, every single second of it felt REAL. And it is the most shocking thing about this book. I know, it is a question of ethic or moral - How far could a writer go with his imagination. I repeat again, it is not a non-fiction book - an author takes a well known history fact (the Nazi persecution of homosexuals is reasonably well-known today), and makes a fascinating story out of it. A psycho story. A BDSM story- how I normally DISLIKE this kind of books!...A love story. A provoking story...the story that will always stay with me. The story that is both beautiful and shocking. You have to step out of you comfort zone if you decide to give it a try. I can't recommend it highly enough. You SHOULD give it a try.I appeal to the author to change a cover. It leaves a lot of space for misunderstanding and wrong interpretation, and scares away the potential readers. That's very pity!P.S Here is an excellent review. Read it. And then the book.

  • Julio Genao
    2018-11-14 01:55

    ...um, you go first, tho.this horseshit right here...the reviews kinda made me throw up in my mouth a little.i don't need any help gutting myself in public, thx.but you go on ahead ok?it'll be fun, surely.and me?i lied. i wouldn't fuck this book with someone else's dick.

  • Steelwhisper
    2018-10-29 21:43

    No, I didn't read it. Yes, I still gave it 1* after reading several of the reviews. Why?This is not at all representative of what happened, especially not for what happened to the survivors of concentration camps, or Mengele's experiments. It's the wet dream of someone inordinately fascinated with these atrocities instead. What revolts me there is not the fact that someone might wank off over Mengele and his victims, there's always that. What revolts me to the point of actual physical nausea is that people read and clearly end up thinking--as documented in their reviews--that this is what had happened. No it hadn't and wasn't. Not even close to it. It doesn't even come close to what reverberates down the generations. And I'm not in the slightest sorry to say: doing THAT, creating such misconceptions, that is vile.Far far better alternative reading material are the poems of Paul Celan or any of the authentic survivor accounts, I Was A Doctor In Auschwitz is a good start.ETA:For those who still haven't realised it, I have very personal reasons for disliking the abuse of Auschwitz, Mengele and his victims to prop up a weak story lacking in content and expertise to being one of Nazisploitation.Whilst I haven't read "Schadenfreude" that doesn't mean I don't know what's in the book. Someone read it for me and recounted it, so I won't be triggered by it. I did read the author's "Hero's Torch", which--as has been stated by more than one reader of both books--is as good as a blue-print for "Schadenfreude" minus the Nazis and Mengele. "Hero's Torch" even has the bonus of being a fantasy and needing worldbuilding (while the author so conveniently abused actual actrocities and the suffering of actual people to pep up this book here), and still wasn't more than 1*. So there is absolutely no way this one tops the blue-print, given how much the author fishes for shock effects.

  • Nile Princess
    2018-10-19 01:40

    The 'true love' tag by the author is a bit of a stretch, but wow! This book is psychological genius. That someone can be so broken and bleeding and hurting and ache to be with the person inflicting the pain, and to have the author explore this so proficiently....amazing. This book is especially interesting because it also examines Erich's psyche AFTER he and Ahren are separated. But, I'm jumping ahead. Schadenfreude is a story about a German boy who is arrested by the SS and taken to Auschwitz because he is a homosexual. There, he is taken under the wing of Ahren Kaltherzig, a doctor who engages in horrific experiments to 'understand how homosexuals work' in an attempt to supposedly 'cure them'. The irony is that Ahren is, of course, homosexual himself...except not to his own mind.The story follows the experiments and the attempts to 'break' and discipline Erich, but this is tempered by the fact that, even from the beginning, Erich has it much easier than his counterparts. He is given the comforts of Ahren's home and bed (if he's good), is given typing and sewing duties and is surprised with little gifts from time to time. Best of all, he is 'protected' by Ahren and we see a few instances where Ahren comes to his defense against the attentions of a rival doctor who seems to think Ahren is coddling Erich. Kaltherzig had a polite threat of his own. “You’d shoot me if I made an honest mistake while interfering with your experiments. Wouldn’t you?” Swwoooon (made me all gooey inside). Though Ahren refuses to acknowledge his growing feelings for Erich, we are privy to times where he allows Erich to kiss him, and the times he cries when he thinks he won't be able to take Erich with him when the Russian and Americans invade. Beautiful, beautiful moments. Still, it's not all peaches and cream. Ahren possesses a vicious inner darkness that manifests itself when he's drunk (which is a lot as things go downhill for the Germans) and which never spells good things for Erich.I don't want to share more. You'll have to read it. Those of us who are not big on medical torture will have to suffer through a few chapters, but the rest of the read is well worth it. Also, please note that Erich is 15 when he is first captured...4 stars, which would have been 5 if there had been less focus on the experiments.True DMC material

  • Danny Tyran
    2018-10-17 03:48

    I’d like so much to forget all of this book.I’d like to forget it all to be able to reread it as if it was the first time. How hard it will be to read anything else after that and to find it good.This book could have been titled "Submission and Indifference as Survival Skills in War Times", so the main character, Erich, submits totally to the will of his torturer, Kaltherzig (which, by the way, means "cold heart"). Even for the reader, the beginning of this novel is a shock requiring a lot of resilience. Does "resilience" is synonymous with "submission"? In any case, the author immerses us in the WWII world of Block 10, where, after been there once, you never want to go back, because what happens there is total horror. Indeed, what place more terrible than the laboratory at Auschwitz where Mengele was "working"? And thanks to Kaltherzig’s desire to keep Erich alive, to make him his personal experiment, his pet, so Erich became his and Mengele’s PA. Which will allow him to survive. Erich will be the witness of all sorts of horror to become as indifferent to the fate of his fellow prisonners as his own torturers. Is it not he who said he preferred to work in the morgue because it is less noisy? Of course, since the morgue corpses do not scream in pain."Live experiments were another thing entirely. Autopsies were so much quieter." His attitude reflects Mengele’s, who asks for the twin he is torturing to be gagged because their howls give him a headache. Erich even comes to feel at home at Kaltherzig’s place and see the notes he takes on the “experiments” as his "work." He even yawns with boredom, waiting to take notes, while lot of prisonners are murdered."The internal horror the first time he’d realized that he’d been yawning through all this tiresome death and despair for the past half-hour." It is especially this inhuman indifference that is the hallmark of this novel. Everything, even Kaltherzig’s cigarette smoke, which reminds Erich of Auschwitz’s smokestacks, gives to this novel, from beginning to end, the gray color of death going up in stinking swirls of smoke.This is not the kind of novel I usually read, so that cold cruelty to unwilling people troubled me a lot. I had nightmares one night when I went to bed after several hours of reading this book. But the author has managed to captivate me enough for me to read the novel to the end. Or, as Erich, did I let myself bought by all Kaltherzig’s small gifts?I wondered what happened to Hitler's Youths. Did not they all become "Kaltherzigs", as indifferent and cold as him, using gifts to compensate for their cruelty?Even when he is "saved" by the Russians, Erich does not feel better treated than by the Germans."His eyes filled with tears in spite of himself at the humiliation of this [medical examination], and he covered his face with his hands for a minute. The freedom to scrub at his eyes made it worse. [...] All of it was much too familiar, but much too wrong, [...] Was he moving through the Auschwitz dream in reverse? [...] It made him feel heavier and heavier, less and less real."And when asked his name, he replied: "Erich Kaltherzig." Why this last name? "To make it clear whose possession he was, always would be." He even bears the marks of the German army under his shirt as a scapular, a sainted souvenir to protect him. The following paragraph, describing what he did after he injured himself voluntarily, is very revealing of what he felt:"When his fingers were damp and tasted of blood he squirmed his pants up and lay curled with his hands near his mouth, eyes closed, feeling this hurt he had stolen back from them [the Russians and the Americans]. Wonderful, sick, invisible defiance. And the last blaze of that made him pull his blanket around himself and step out of bed and slide underneath it instead. He fell asleep almost as soon as his head touched the floor."Used to sleeping on the ground of kaltherzig's room, he does no longer feel well in bed. “[…] but what he really wished for was the floor in Ahren’s bedroom half the world and over a year away."And he does everything asked with indifference:"He enjoyed nothing he attended; he was only doing it to have orders to follow."Always the same submission that allowed him to survive.I read about the cuddle with the little redheaded whore while listening to James Blunt’s song “Shine on” and I began to cry uncontrollably. Stupid me!New York, alone in his apartment, Erich burned slices of bacon and a strand of his own hair to get back the smell of Auschwitz’s smokestacks, the smell of "home", Ahren’s smell. Oh, my God! Soooo sad!Erich speaking of men in general : “There aren’t any others deep enough to drown in,” he said.The only negative note is the strange use that the author makes of punctuation. I wondered if it was voluntary, but what interest would there be to punctuate a sentence this way:"He would be, so, perfect, --- if, only, they'd, let, him ....'* By the way, the author gives 19 as his/her name. 1 and 9 are the first and last digits of Erich’s prisoner number (tatoo). And Schadenfreude means Glee.

  • Dusti Hanrahan
    2018-11-09 01:08

    Review posted This will be one of my hardest reviews...EVER. It may be less of a review and more of my feelings. I have lost sleep over my rating and, still, I sit here writing and deleting and starting over and over w review.This is a battle between morals and the feelings that seem right and/or wrong to have. I feel like I am on a roller coaster of emotions, I true love/hate relationship with this book. I was appalled by it yet fascinated, I was disgusted yet intrigued and somewhere along the way, without knowing, I quit caring what I was supposed to feel and...... I just felt. This was one of the hardest books I have read because of the time/place. This is not a book for MANY people, as it takes place at the Auschwitz Concentration camp during WWII. We are introduced to a young German boy, Erich, who is sent to the camp for kissing another boy. Upon arrival a Dr at the camp takes a 'liking' to him and the story centers around the experiments, devices, punishments and domination that this Dr forces on Erich. In the beginning I was disgusted and horrified at the events taking place within the pages, knowing that they so accurately represent history in so many ways. At some point, without my knowledge, I was able to open myself to the story unfolding and, although still horrific at times, I found so much strength and passion within the pages that I was left utterly speechless in the end. This journey is not for the faint of heart or easily offended. We are opened up to brutal truths about how inhumane mankind can be and HAS BEEN. We are thrown into the depths of hell and despair but somehow, in the end, we are left fully sated and (dare I say) emotionally enamored and full.I cannot say I would/could read this again but I am glad that, by the end, I opened myself mentally and emotionally to a relationship that was unique, dreadful, painful and haunting yet it worked in the most unconventional way. 19 def has a fucked up mind but I am now truly fascinated.I need Xanax and vodka and therapy!BR/gang bang w the BDSM group-HUGE risk with this, it's not just a mindfuck but mind torture....

  • Joan
    2018-11-04 01:07

    This is about the fourth or fifth attempt at writing a review for Schadenfreude. Each time I start I am consumed with rage and my words become little more than an outpouring of anger at the sheer vileness of this story. All I can say is that, if you respect those who died in horrific circumstances in Auschwitz and in the other camps and you honour their memory, if you are filled with revulsion at the thought of someone glorifying the atrocities committed there, then this book is not for you. It most certainly is not for me. I finished reading with a sick feeling in my gut that is still there whenever I think about the story.On a purely technical note, the writing feels immature and totally haphazard in places, the use of pronouns is erratic, and I had the feeling that the whole story is little more than an excuse to mock those who suffered.One star. And that is one star too many.

  • MLE
    2018-11-13 02:02

  • Willow Madison
    2018-11-16 03:02

    Final Review:I struggled with my review for this one. I’m not alone; other reviews have said more or less the same thing. Just to be clear – I didn’t waffle on the rating at all – this is a 5 star read, no question about it. So I had to ask myself, what the [email protected] am I struggling with here? The answer was pretty simple: I wanted to make a statement. I subconsciously wanted to address anyone that would read this book’s blurb, see the setting, view the cover, and think…what…? …Horribly of me? I can’t imagine giving less of a care than a pro on a corner learning I had 1 blowjob to prove my worth *snort* So, no, not that.…To prove the value of the prose? That speaks for itself. Much like a pro on a corner, you get what you pay for. I drooled. So, no qualms there.…To justify the controversy? Ahh…now that’s something to consider at length. Yep. That’s been my struggle. Back to before I’d read SF, for an indulgent moment, please…I paused before reading this. I heard about it from a Goodreads friend and saw enough comments and threads on GR topics to know that I was a wet [email protected] for what it had to offer. Still, I paused.This book isn’t my usual cuppa – male on male medical torture porn…huh. You have me at torture, but I’m more of a M/f type and I’m a virgin in the medical toyjoy field. Still…I’m game for new *shrug* So, so far so good. But the setting – historical, WW2, concentration camp, filled with factual events and monsters…and most importantly, most controversially…all too real victims that may have very well suffered in much the same way as the fictitious characters do– is one that had me pausing still. I braced myself to hate this book and the author with such a fury that could only come from a myopic understanding of the history. I didn’t live through those horrors, but I am well aware (personally so) of their far-reaching impact. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I thought that those pains were exploited in any form. So I went into the sample with a good dose of trepidation and a solid bias. I’m not one to turn from a challenge though, even one I set for myself only. So let’s just see what this little sh!t did with these atrocities, more or less were my thoughts.That is, before I read the sample. The writing is exquisite. Yes, this is a horrifying, excruciating, and detailed description of what is recorded as one of our greatest times of evil. Yes, there are no punches pulled with the descriptions or events. Yes, the main character, Erich, is a sheltered and fragile boy in the beginning. And yes, the medical torture porn is integral to this coming of age/sexual awakening story with sadomasochism at its heart.I loved it. I fell in love with the writing. I fell in love with the characters. Yes, both the main characters. I fell in love with their love story. That is what this is to me. I know others balk at calling it this, but I do not.So my struggle with a review came down to wanting to make a statement, one that others might read and decide for themselves to give this book a go. Or not. So I’ll make one:If you need to be convinced to read this book, then don’t read it. If you need to read a book that will only make you feel good or happy, don’t read it. If you shy away from the idea that love can come in the harshest of forms and under the basest of conditions, don’t read it. If you can’t accept a good deal of ugly reality with your fiction, then don’t read it. If your erotica needs to come in the form of slap-n-tickle only, don’t read it. If you’re open, read it. It’s worth it. Love always is, no matter the pains.A final note on art. There is a museum in Berlin that uses architecture much in the same way this book uses words. I visited it on a gloomy day, not cold, not warm, perfect really. One side of the museum is sleek and modern, jarring with its angles of white wall expanses set at odd pitches. You see, the hallways aren’t just for moving through; they’re part of the experience. No right angles exist to make for easier steps. Set into regular spots, black cubes pull attention like highrise windows, pressing closer is the only way to see the drop. Oddities and artifacts, handwritten letters and smeared postcards, everyday items and simple belongings, this is what is inside each black cube. This and a date and place of murder. This is some of what remains of generations killed by the Nazis.Moving past the cubes, there is a massive door that is opened by a museum worker; shy danke is given in various accents, or only polite nods. Once the door is shut, the light and sound and temperature change. There is no unnatural source for these things. One small slit of an opening at the very very top is all. It’s enough. The sound is unlike anything I’ve heard before, and so familiar. Intimate and ghastly, eerie and grounded, unnerving and normal. Death cries and street noise. This is the architect’s Holocaust Tower.I couldn’t take it. I left in a rush, angered by my earlier eager politeness with the damn door. I wanted to kick it off its hinges so it could never close again. This book did this to me. The very realism of it informed the way I felt in equal part to the imagery 19 used in creating the fictitious. Art often brings to light that which we’d rather avoid. **********************Previous comments:I'm no closer to a proper review. This is more of a dedication when one finally comes...My brother recently passed. Morphine addiction and HIV complications got the better of him finally. His birthday would've been this month. I'm particularly permeable right now and in need of a connection with him. This is a book he would've loved. I long for the discussion that will never take place. He introduced me to reading - not to the books that I had to read - but to the ones that I *shouldn't* read. We always had that in common.I'll be reading this again with the BDSM group...not the same, but better than naught. Buddy Read here **********************Review to come. My brain is still whirling and I finished this over a month ago. I want to re-read it, but I'm afraid of what that says about me ;) Who am I kidding.The era that was chosen for this tale was poignant and excruciating. It wasn't extraneous or frivolous. If it had been, I would've started the bonfire myself. The characters haunt me. I have no idea what I'll say in the end, but I know that I cannot give less than 5* for something so vivid and moving. Excruciatingly moving.

  • JaHy☝Hold the Fairy Dust
    2018-11-13 05:47

    . . . Review to come.

  • Lori
    2018-11-10 05:52

    This is one of those books that makes you feel like you really shouldn't be enjoying it as much as you are. After all, there should be nothing enjoyable about Nazi internment camps, human experimentation, sexual torture, etc... But, this is a well written, very moving story. Despite the very difficult subject matter and a main character that you should, by all rights abhor, it is a great read.It details vividly how a captive can go from loathing and fearing their captor to loving and needing him more than even the air they breathe. A brilliant look at Stockholm Syndrome. Despite the horrific psychological and physical trauma Erich suffered at the hands of Ahren, he only felt safe when he was with him. He only felt whole and sane when he was in pain and he only felt loved when he had orders to follow and knew he'd be punished for the smallest infraction.I never found myself hoping that Erich got better when he was rescued. I only ever found myself hoping that he'd be reunited with Ahren again. I'm not sure what that says about me. I'm not sure I really give a fuck.

  • Syfy
    2018-10-17 04:05

    Read the warnings.... Auschwitz, Megele, torture, brain washing, sexual sadism, and more.Read through in one sitting and I don't see how it could be read any other way. If you begin, I urge you to finish. Horrifying. Stunning. Riveting. Will break your heart and damage your soul.

  • Eleonora
    2018-10-22 03:06

    Actually I didn't finish this story entirely, I just couldn't.I know this is supposed to be fiction but for me there is just too much truth behind the story. Growing up as a German you get confronted with the Nazi history at a quite young age, I think I was actually traumatized when my teacher showed us a video of Nazis shoving men,women and children into a church, then locked it and burned it down with the people screaming inside it.After that you get through years of history classes learning the unbearable,agonizing thruth of what people are capable of doing to other human beings. You are forced to read plenty of books which are describing every sick detail of what happened to the people imprisoned in the KZs. So I was quite fed up with the whole Nazi,Hitler,third Reich- thing. So why did I start reading this story? I have this thing for " guy gets captured by another guy a little bit of bdsm and then the turning point where they start to slowly connect with eachother bla bla etc. " But I need them to be still human. Like in Special Forces where Vadim rapes Dan but through the books you get to know the whys and you feel the genuine emotions they have for eachother. And you know it's fiction.But in this story you read about a doctor who is a sadistic monster who enjoys inflicting pain on a helpless 15 year old. And there is no way I could imagine that Erich (the boy) could feel any emotion towards Kaltherzig(funny name btw, means cold hearted)beside deep hatred. The things that happened to Erich ACTUALLY happened to thousands of Nazi victims but unlike for Erich there was no "mercy" or "happy ending" for them. They were just totured and killed. So I hoped the author ,thinking he must be German, would handle the things diffrently ,to use the setting of that time but to tell a story with emotions,and understandable actions on the part of Kaltherzig. But for a long time in the stroy there was no such thing just a torturer and a rapist. I felt like the story tried to make the crimes which were comitted during that time into something less horrible. So one star for the writing and one star for the historical correctness. Sorry for the grammar and the length of this "review" ;)July 2015 , someone liked my review and a saw the book has a cover now, because of the cover I dropped the rating to one star , I can't believe someone could use the Hakenkreuz on top of something squiggly , like this sign doesn't stand for the death of 55 million people. And in connection with the title it is just sick. I don't know if the people who rated this book high know what the word Schadenfreude really means, it means you are excited or happy that someone suffered . Put a Hakenkreuz under the word Schadenfreude and you are just sick. For all the 55 million victims,of Nazi crimes, who died a gruesome death, this is just ... I don't have words for that.

  • Sofia
    2018-10-21 04:41

    This was not an easy read to start because:Schadenfreudepleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. This word is taken from German and literally means "harm-joy". and I am not into that, so you can understand my hesitancy. I did not dance ‘the happy dance’, reading this story, it’s not that kind of book. XIX writes a compelling story giving us Erich and a journey with him. A journey, where he is turned inside out and where we see the miniscule changes happening bit by excruciating bit. XIX writes bonds, dark, very disturbing bonds but completely compelling. What kept me reading was this intricate, intimate, dark, dangerous, tight bond. Having read his Hero’s Torch before this one I could see the similar plot lines. But where with Hero’s Torch I could distance myself from what was happening by saying that it was just a sci fi. Here I could not do that, I wanted to push what was happening away but I couldn’t because what was happening in the book, happened in the here and now and might still be happening or might happen again. So turning away from the atrocities written about here felt like closing my eyes to our sad, painful realities and I couldn’t.A tough dark, disturbing non-apologetic, very gripping read and I'm not sorry I read it. Note: I've seen this shelved on romance and erotica on other readers shelves. For me this was neither. (view spoiler)[I keep wishing that Erich did not need Kaltherzig to live and the ugliness is that he does, he is too damaged, too changed to survive otherwise. But what's between them is not love, it's darker.... (hide spoiler)]

  • 'Q' aka CoCo
    2018-11-08 21:52

    Heart-rending, gut-wrenching, poignantly beautiful... This book will hold you emotionally hostage--you'll want to stop, but need to read on...Powerful in its simplicity, there were single lines that hit me harder than entire torture scenes:"I didn't ask you what you've done, I asked you what you are."What a powerful distinction, and one that was unfortunately made much too often during this era.There is so much to say about this book--how it made me feel when so often while reading I feel absolutely nothing. Erich's journey provoked so many strong emotions--anger, sadness, disapproval, resentment, shock, an overwhelming sense of injustice, pity, outrage--all of which is certainly a testament to the author's skill.Is it an easy read? No, absolutely not... but I do believe it's worth it.

  • Fangtasia
    2018-10-22 21:53

    If you ever want to find out how it feels to be torn open, have your mental, physical and emotional insides scoured, then be closed up again and turned out to continue living as if nothing had happened, read this story. That's how I felt after reading through this book almost non-stop. Because it is so very well-written that I could barely stop to eat, sleep, work. You know, live my real life. No amount of terror-induced tears, no sympathetic pains and tremors could keep me from finding out what happened next. The style of writing takes some getting used to, but if you can survive all the (very appropriate) warnings, it's worth it.Haunting, painful, right on the edge of unbearable. Few will be able to finish it. For those who do, welcome to the other side.

  • B.E.L.L.A.Mc
    2018-11-04 23:43

    This is the best book I have ever read: the best characters; the best plot; the best narrative; the best poetry; the best style of writing, and the best anything else I’ve not mentioned. It is quite simply, stunning. It has affected me in many different ways.Can I please mention for those that think this book ‘vile’ or ‘unrealistic’, the fact that what happens in this story may well have, and probably did happen in one of the hundreds of concentration camps in WW2. The evidence is all out there; google it. I was 23 when I went to the movies in W. Germany, as it was then, to watch Der Nachtportier. A story about a young girl (Erich ?) chosen by a sadistic SS Nazi Officer (Kalthertzig ?) to be his plaything/companion; he ruined her (him); she never forgot it (him). A few years after the war, (she is now married to a famous Conductor), they meet again in a Hotel where He is the Night Porter, she a guest. And POW!! You know what happens next. Not a romance but certainly a love story.http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0...Then there’s the brilliant ‘The Pawnbroker’. The tale of a man torn apart by the knowledge of what happened to his family in Auschwitz/Birkenau; he survived but his children were gassed, and his wife turned into a whore in the camp brothel used by the Germans.http://www.amazon.co.uk/Pawnbroker-VH...There is nothing VILE or UNREALISTIC about this book; it happened; it’s probably still happening in one form or another. Sex slave trafficking, anyone?It also concerns me that there is a frightening parallel here with the book burning Nazi’s of 1933; burning/banning the books of authors they deemed as ‘degenerate’ or ‘Un-German’ (VILE ?). Authors like: Heinrich Mann, Ernst Gläser, Erich Kästner, Ernest Hemingway, Berthold Brecht, Karl Marx, and to my horror best-selling author Erich Maria Remarque, whose unflinching description of war, All Quiet on the Western Front featured in every introductory lesson about WW1 that I taught as a History teacher. All considered VILE by the Nazi’s. Schadenfreude is not VILE; Nazis were VILE. Don’t confuse the two. You may hate this book but please hate it for the right reasons.This is not a romance IMO but it is a love story. I have read the last chapter 3 times now and it is beautiful. You want a HEA; well grab this. A fellow reviewer said it ended too abruptly; not for me, it ended as it began, in the bathroom. I don’t read the M/M genre per se, but this goes above and beyond it; it is no genre and every genre. It simply pulses with a need and want and passion. Kalthertzig (Coldhearted lol) is a pure and unapologetic sadist, who takes ownership of the confused and virginal Erich. Erich couldn’t be more grateful; he needs Coldhearted.Comments have been made about the over-use of commas. After a while it dawned on me, how much I needed those commas; how necessary they were to the pace and tone of the ‘voice’. Mr. 19 also uses words like Magick; which is magic. He is subversive; he is overthrowing old forms of writing and creating new ones; he is Shakespeare for the 21st C. He is a linguistic giant. I feel unworthy. I must have read the last few chapters aloud, which I’m wont to do when lost in a story. I read slow, so slow; better to savour each word, each sentence. The book is littered with beautifully lyrical prose strewn among the blood, murder and gore that was Auschwitz/Birkenau. It’s painfully decadent and it will shake and stir you; it is NOT for lightweights. If your idea of DARK is Fifty Shades, steer clear. Examples are to be found on every page of its deliciousness; this book makes me cry and want to crawl out of my skin:“A long drink, a shift to sit with his arms wrapped around his knees. Orange firelight in his eyes. He drank. Erich brought him his cigarettes and a glass with ice that he ignored. Finally out of desperation he brought Kaltherzig's hairbrush, and to his surprise the doctor allowed this, leaning like a proud cat will lean when he's lured by the stroking in spite of himself. He ended with his head and one sprawled arm across Erich's lap, still eyelocked with the fire, making no sound or gesture of pleasure except this appropriation of him as furniture, and an occasional too-long blink and a little slump of unwinding in the lines of his body. "We should leave every bit of it," he said, after a long time of silence. "Why should we burn everything? That's what I want to know. Let them look. There's much too much of it--they'll know enough, and they'll invent the rest. Why let them have history and the world both?" Kaltherzig held his own hands out. He seemed to be, analyzing them, studying the doctor-soft lines, the straight shiny nails. He turned a little onto his side, bestowing on Erich as he did so one of his most dog-eared memories of Auschwitz: Kaltherzig's warm angular boy-weight, stretched casually across Erich's knees, knowing he was safe to touch like this, like cats wound together in a patch of sunlight.”"I always wanted to be a doctor, but I wanted to be SS too when I saw them burning the books." His eyes were distant, looking at the fireplace, but seeing a fire a decade ago. "I thought, dear God, it's criminal….. then I thought, but if I could decide which books were burned, it would be… grand." A laugh, as if he knew that was inadequate. "Not grand, exactly… the sense you get sometimes when all the future seems, yours."Seems like an appropriate place to end my ‘review’ (my rant). If there is any vileness or unreality in this book, I’ll eat my hat. It’s perfect; just like Kalthertzig’s perfect boy. There’s Romeo and Juliet; then there’s Erich und Kalthertzig. Aaaahhh. Erich:Kalthertzig:

  • carol
    2018-10-28 01:06

    Phew, I needed time to assimilate all I have read before I wrote my review, however, I can say that this has to be one of the best, if not the best, fictional story, based within factual premises, I have ever read...and I am no spring chicken. When I was recommended this story, and took a look at ratings on GR, I quickly noted reviews tended to polarise from 5 to 1 star...then noticed the, and I have to say this, the arrogance and ignorance of some of these reviewers who gave one star, yet, haven't even read this story, and I will name Steelwhisper as one of these self stated arrogant and ignorant reviewers, as she states herself, she hasn't read it, yet criticises it in her ignorance. This immediately drew me to look further at reviews. A few comments regards editing issues also drew my attention. I find well edited books a boon, and poorly edited ones treat readers as fools and with contempt.Okay, I found a couple of errors, but I like the way S.M. worked with 19 and edited this. Use of commas, yes, unconventional in part, yes, but well suited to the story, and especially Erich's character, as he feels and experiences the situations he finds himself in. I know a lot about Auschwitz, when I was a teenager in hospital for an awful long time, I had a radiographer who had a large ugly set of numbers on her arm, dear Kitty became a very informative friend about her experiences in Auschwitz. She had written a book post war based on her experiences and survival, and this is still available now. Five Chimneys: A Woman Survivor's True Story of Auschwitz. I very much had her in mind when I read this and hoped that 19 didn't make a mockery or lessen the horrors people endured there. He didn't, and I think Kitty/Olga would be satisfied or more with his portrayal of this place, including the hospital blocks where most of the story is set. She knew sexual acts took place. Not so sure what she would have thought of this being about two people from same sexual orientation, but one, Erich, known and punished by sentencing him to Auschwitz, and yes, that happened too...and the other, Dr. Ahren Kaltherzig, a doctor in Auschwitz, an officer in the SS, and whose real sexual orientation is a closely guarded secret, despite fathering children for the state. An image of two sides of a spider's web came to my mind, deadly spider, eyes up present on his web, does he destroy or use it for sex???What I found as I journeyed through this tempestuous story was attention to fact and detail no matter how abhorrent, it was not glossed over or trivialised, and at times made me feel very uncomfortable, at times it is heartbreaking, and my pillowcase was soaked with many tears for both Erich, and Ahren, and other poor souls. But, also because this was well researched, written by a knowledgeable man, and master storyteller, who also understands he isn't just telling a story but making sure, we, his audience feel as much as is possible by using as many of our, some say, 21 senses, as we can do from the written word, prior knowledge and our imaginations so beautifully stimulated by Schadenfreude.I have seen this noted as erotica and romance, and I quibble here, because I found it to be a story of a strange, harsh attachment, need and protection that grows from perhaps initially sexual exploitation to one of love, a love so profound that one would have given their life for the other and life without the other was a nightmare of despair, loss and emptiness, this was Erich, and for the SS Officer/Doctor, he found his 'perfect boy'How the times and events continued, you will need to read this for yourselves.In discussion of this book on the BDSM group, I noted one comment about what actor's would 19 have if this was made into a Hollywood blockbuster...and I have to say, in my opinion, no film could do this justice. Even if from a master director such as Spielberg. It couldn't portray the inner turmoil, anguish, lust, love, need, passion, fear or terror and so much more that is to be found within these pages.Was it a German Jew, Kafka, who once said that literature if good shouldn't make you feel comfortable, or something like this? Well, this fits the bill. Olga said the horrors should never be forgotten, this reflects them well.I saw many talk of Stockholm Syndrome v love and passion. Okay, I open myself up again here, as some are vaguely aware, I do know from experiencing abuse when I was a child that eventually what I felt towards my abuser is now termed as Stockholm Syndrome. I also know what post traumatic stress is. I saw elements of Stockholm Syndrome at one point, but then it actually surpasses that. Perhaps from the pool incident when Ahren comes to his rescue...to after the point where Erich was beaten at Christmas by Ahren, to all the awfulness of the cellar treatment, but there is the realisation that Erich is his, his submission and love is total, through his masochism that develops he shows this and in his life he gives to Ahren. Ahren, I feel has more problems coming to terms with his hidden, and, of course then, illegal homosexuality, and trusting and accepting Erich, probably with a view to his own security as well as his sadism in his nature that he uses to keep testing Erich in part for his own safety and admission of who he is. Ahren is only too aware he is one of a pack of wolves, within the doctor hierarchy of the SS, but that he is also different, and any sign of weakness here and the Mengele's of that time and place would turn on him and enjoy ripping him up piece by piece, and Erich with him.So he has to be sure, and be careful.The trauma, stress and mental anguish, post war, that Erich goes through and his attempts at coping had me broken hearted. My motherly instinct poured out to him, but was thwarted, as I know it would never be enough for Erich. I would be as Judith was. I feared for his sanity and his life. I loved the end but didn't want it to end, I wanted to know more of them together. Another sign of good writing, leave your audience shouting for more.Bravo 19.

  • Kim BookJunkie
    2018-11-08 03:03

    ***The free version of this book is not the complete book! Don't settle for just some of this amazing book, get the full version on Amazon or smashwords! ***warning #2: If you don't love dark, disturbing and twisted books, don't read this. SCHADENFREUDE is a remarkable book unlike anything I've ever read. It literally took me several days to write this review because I simply couldn't find words to adequately describe how special this book is. I finally stopped trying and am left with the review below. I probably should have omitted the following paragraphs and simply said that this is one of those books that you will never forget. What I read is forever ingrained in my memory. Forever. SCHADENFREUDE is not just a story of what one homosexual young man might have endured under the Nazi regime, it's also a powerful, awe inspiring story of sadism, masochism, abuse, love, survival, Stockholm Syndrome and much, much more.The majority of this harrowing yet beautiful story is based on actual events yet there is not one page of this book that resembles dull or dry nonfiction. Reading a book about a place that truly existed, with factual details woven into the storyline caused me to feel like I was reading a story about real people, not fictional characters. Although the main characters and their unique relationship most likely were figments of the author's creative mind, it was surreal for me to read about them, knowing that these men quite possibly could have been real. There is really might have been to men like these, living and working in Auschwitz or one of the other camps.... It is possible yet we will never know. Fortunately, my parents are not ignorant bigots so as far back as I can recall, I was made aware of the atrocities millions of innocent victims endured under the Nazi regime. Having this awareness, I thought I was prepared to read about Erich; an innocent, young, harmless, homosexual man. I was wrong. Despite having heard countless horror stories, thinking I had already heard the worst of them, XIX shone a light on what took place in the medical wings of the camps. I was appalled and extremely sad to learn that even worse things happened than what I'd previously known. Although the graphic detail and descriptions in this book may be difficult for some to read, without awareness, history will repeat itself. This book rekindled the fire in me, inspiring me to become a more active American. It is 2015 and Americans are supposedly, "free", yet humans still do not have completely equal rights. Reading this book reminded me that sitting by doing nothing is not okay.I truly can't express how well written this book is as promised, I'm going to stop trying. One final thing… I didn't even try to express how impressed I was with Erich and Ahren's relationship. The imagination and creativity of XIX is absolutely mind blowing! I say everyone over the age of 18 should read this book. Everyone will get something out of it. XIX, if you are still writing, please don't stop! We need more people like you on this earth!

  • FantasyLiving
    2018-10-22 05:38

    I've spent almost a week going over this story in my mind and trying to come up with the words that will convey how I feel about it. So far, I've come up with, not much.Firstly this story is pure horror. That is how I felt while I was reading it. I don't know enough about Germany during Hitler's reign to be able to go into historical accuracy, compare it to detailed first person accounts, or anything remotely academic regarding this subject. I can only relay how I felt about this piece of fiction.The story is about a German boy who is charged with being an invert/homosexual and sent to Auschwitz. Once there, he is taken by one of the Doctors, Kaltherzig, is broken and molded into something other than the quiet innocent boy he was. There is a lot of torture, rape, and abuse. There is nothing fluffy or romantic about anything in this story. It is dark, depraved, and exceptionally well written. Whether I agree with the subject matter or not, the author did a remarkable job of creating this complex piece of writing. I was completely absorbed in this story from start to finish. I mulled over the controversy constantly, and tried to pick apart where people may think this story is considered romance. I cannot find the answer to that question, because to me it is not. Erich is institutionalised. Pure and simple. The breaking down of his psyche was done swiftly, and then the building up of predictable routine, only to have it broken down again, so there was nowhere safe to be, no real respite from the tortures of sadistic Ahren, that he became one with the torture, he craved the abuse, and became dependent on the the person whom was torturing him. Some have tagged this story as BDSM, and while Erich gives the impression of submissive, and Ahren is certainly sadistic, I cannot include that tag in my review, because there is no real distinction between submission and broken, sadistic and psychopathic. It's one of those stories that is left up to the reader to interpret. It is hard to describe how this book affected me. I feel outraged, guilty, enamored, deeply disturbed. This story has invaded my thoughts for a week, and I can see that it will affect me for much longer. 19 is a remarkable writer, and that is why he gets 4 stars from me. The content was disturbing, upsetting, and certainly controversial, but the writing; it was amazing.Read as part of the BDSM group gang-bang

  • Eve
    2018-10-31 23:59

    This is a very intense, very dark read. Readers with any sort of difficulty with holocaust settings should stay away from this one. Erich is a young German boy (15 yrs old) arrested for being gay and sent to a concentration camp. He is immediately claimed by one of the camp doctors and becomes the doctor's personal medical experiment, assistant and sex slave. He's treated to a horrific regimen of torture interspersed by affection. The torture is initially described with brutal detail; later in the story, only extraordinary punishments are described, and I maybe subconsciously thought that things had gotten better for Erich. This is of course not true - the routine torture simply became normal to Erich and not worth much thought. (view spoiler)[It's only toward the very end of the story, when Erich has flashbacks of some gruesome episodes that weren't previously described at all, that you realize how constant his suffering was the whole time. (hide spoiler)] The development of the relationship had a sort of morbid fascination for me - I think the author showed a lot of psychological acuity, and the reactions of both felt authentic to me. Certainly no artificial sweetener was added. The language has hints of a foreign tone, and there's an overuse of commas which makes me think English may be a second language. However, there are bits of stylistic grace that are wonderful. The first time Erich catches Kaltherzig's attention: "There was something like a smile or a threat and then the eyes left him like a knife reversing out of a wound." I found this bittersweet, not very comfortable, but compelling.

  • Kol Anderson
    2018-10-18 23:08

    Serious torture porn (Please can we just start calling it that? Thank you.)There is no real category for torture porn. It should be a category and people shouldn't be forced to feel bad for liking it. This is basically very kinky, very believable non-con, dub-con set in the Nazi era. I thought it was very well written, a little surreal instead of too many descriptions which I preferred. The tortures were gruesome and a lot of them even made me cringe but I like that the author didn't hold back. Her confidence showed and made the story that much better. So well in short, liked it. Not gonna lie it was plenty creepy so best keep off it if you're faint of heart.

  • Damien D'Enfer
    2018-11-05 05:06

    Okay, I've been sitting on this review for a while now. Something tells me it's going to be a challenging one to write.When I was a kid, my mom; a southern, gravel-voiced, gin-swilling, Virginia Slim puffing force of nature used to try to infect me with her love of books. Her idea of a good time was busting into my bedroom with a Zora Neale Hurston or a Paul Bowles or a Solzhenitsyn and shove it at me. Then she would embark on a drunken rave about whatever writer she was hawking. During these monologues, one line was repeated, no matter who the author was. "Damn," she would croak, "He (or she) can write like a SON OF A BITCH! Like a GOD-DAMNED SON OF A BITCH!!"When I was reading Schadenfreude, I kept hearing her smoke ravaged voice in my head. She was raving from beyond the veil. And she had a point because 19, whoever he may be, can indeed write like a SON OF A BITCH.It was a horrible read, in the best ways possible. It opened dark rooms inside of me and let the wraiths out. It made me squirm, turned me on and even broke my heart because the shit happened, it really happened and we know it. We really are capable of this and so much worse and it may be sickening to look into such a dark mirror, but it's also gorgeous.19 proves that art is the only thing we do that's worthwhile because the way he writes, the beauty of it, the empathy he creates takes such a horrible situation and elevates it into this really marvelous, glittering dark gem of a book.This book ain't for kids, y'all. Read it at your peril but read it. Because it's true that we are at once so awful and so wonderful. And truth is important.

  • Aya
    2018-10-25 02:53

    ...Okay, maybe that isn't the most appropriate response......Yes, that seems more fitting. Perhaps I should be experiencing the urge to stab and shred this book with a knife and then light it ablaze. Despite the horror and the many instances when I'm left feeling cold and empty, it's hard to deny that there were moments that were... beautiful and enlightening... heart wrenchingly so, in the most disturbing way.This example of Stockholm Syndrome has me feeling things I'm almost ashamed to admit. Rather than the horror, disgust, and anger I know I should feel towards Dr. Kaltherzig's treatment of Erich, I can't seem to stop myself from loving what they share and wishing for their happily ever after. Perhaps I'm suffering from my own type of Stockholm Syndrome. Schadenfreude had me question the validity of Erich's thoughts and emotions as well as questioning my own.Engrossing, abhorrent, and thought provoking - a must read. Not recommended to those that have certain triggers, heed the warnings.Now let me continue to ponder about what the hell I just read...*Yes, I am using Adventure Time gifs, the animation leaves me thoughtful and just as emotionally confused as this book.

  • Jeff Erno
    2018-11-11 21:55

    I'd give this book five HUNDRED stars if I could. Heart-stopping. This story, though set in WWII Germany in a brutal internment camp used for torture and experimentation, is about a relationship. A Dom/sub relationship, and at first I misinterpreted it. Initially I thought of Stockholm syndrome, that the captive had fallen in love with his captor. But no. This is about identity. Ownership. Surrender. And sadism.Wow.The writing, eloquent and slightly irreverent, disturbed me. Too many pauses, unnecessary commas. I despised the characters, hated the MASTERS with every fiber of my being. Feared them. Loved them.And Erich...oh my soul! Erich, so beautiful, so transparent, so pure. So sub.This book will remain significant to me...forever. I feel changed after having read it, and isn't that what we crave in literature. Step outside your safety zone and rush out to buy this one. It might be the best story you've ever read.

  • Erika
    2018-10-19 05:44

    This pic is exactly my reaction when a review for this book popped up on my feed. I have major issues with this book, just like I have major issues with The Garçonnière. I don't think people should continue to profit and gain accolades off of slavery or the Holocaust and other atrocities, but to each his or her own. Just hearing that this book has been shelved as BDSM or romance skeeves me out, tbh. And I just found out about this Gurochan site, which...ugh. That tells me all I need to know about this book right here. Oh, and before all the "But It's Free Speech!" and "You Can't Give A One Star Review If You Haven't Read It!!" Armchair Warriors show up in my comments, don't bother.

  • Aislinn
    2018-11-02 06:02

    The reviews extolling this book are really depressing. I despair of some segments of society.

  • Karla
    2018-10-17 01:51

    Oh good, another Goodreads wank.I should know by now that the uproar is never borne out by the actual product. This one, however, had to get chalked up in the DNF column because the writing was soporific, the grammar war crimes-worthy atrocious, and the plot as exciting as someone insisting you watch all 20 hours of their vacation slides. After more than 40%, I had to make a metaphorical run for the barbed wire because finishing it was absolutely not an option.If it had been more in the line of Frisco Hitt's A Coffin Full Of Dreams, I'd have been far more engaged and entertained in that horrified, rubbernecking way.But, alas."19" (FML with these emo-cryptic pseudonyms) instead decided to foist some half-assed fable on the reader. The main character, Erich, has no identity and past beyond kissing/being kissed by two boys once.He gets informed on, dragged off to Gestapo headquarters, packed off to Auschwitz, and....we're off!However, it becomes obvious that a cattle car train of commas beat him to the destination. They were a special kind of torture that made the corked enemas & anal speculum invasions of our willowy protagonist seem like a day on the beach. At points I wondered if "19" had some punctuation identity confusion.Could he do this in a, house...where people, lived...Deeper, and that stretching hurt was, gone, and there was that excruciating, slide, and he moaned because he couldn't help it, and the push of the buttons of Kaltherzig's pants against his thigh.He found himself looking out the car windows for bodies, that same, studying instinct, all tangled with his constantly evolving ideas of, perfect. He wondered if he might not, like, the hospital.Kaltherzig always won in the end, and Erich always fought him, for a second or an hour, because he just, couldn't, do this, any other way.Judge me all you want, but I wanted to read something shocking based on the wank surrounding it. I have expectations, people. The premise seems like it could deliver, but the actual product? Sadly, the writing fell far short. I was bored out of my skull for long stretches of Frisco Hitt's tawdry little WTF trainwreck, but there was something about it that kept me engaged despite my periodically rising gorge.Maybe it was the nun roasted alive on the front of a Range Rover.That was, like, neat.FINAL SHELVING THOUGHTS:A-Coffin-Full-of-FailFrisco-Hitt-still-wins-the-prizeCongo-mercenaries-vs-Nazi-pussiesoutrage-failJFC-i'll-never-listen-to-you-people-againtrolled-by-my-inner-trolllessons-have-been-learned-my-friends

  • Neyjour
    2018-11-02 00:55

    This was an amazing read.It's sadistic, twisted, horrifying, disturbing...and I just could not put it down, even though my stomach was all tied up in knots through the entire thing, and I actually felt physically nauseous several times. That has never happened to me before. I usually have a very strong stomach when it comes to violence and torture (in literature), and have actually read much more brutal, graphic content than this in other stories. But this one had a much more profound effect on me, most likely because the medical experiments/tortures described are based on real life events: Nazi human experimentation (Josef Mengele also makes an appearance as a fairly prominent character in this story).As for the main characters...despite what you may think for a large portion of this story, there is actually a "romance" here (IMO), but I found I had to create a new label/shelf for it, because to call it an "erotic romance" would be ten kinds of wrong. It's dark, twisted and sadistic (Stockholm Syndrome at its very worst) and the "romance" kind of creeps up on you so very slowly. At the beginning of the story I was horrified with their "relationship"...during the last quarter I was an emotional wreck, hoping like hell that they would have a happy ending...together.

  • Purplegirl
    2018-11-04 02:43

    I can't really explain this better than Nile Princess' review. The medical torture was brutal and not for the faint of heart but it didn't bother me too much that I couldn't read it. Others may have issues with it. It was a good read but one I had to take slow to get the full effect.-------------------------------If you liked this story then you may be interested in the group the Depraved Mind Club.